Throughout my time in practice, I have found many of my clients take a big sigh, when I ask

“Describe your relationship to your parents.” Exhibiting hesitations and apprehensions to

discuss family relationships in therapy is common.


Here are some other factors that may make it challenging to talk about family problems in

therapy:


  •  Guilt and Shame
  •  Fear of betrayal, placing blame or disloyalty to their parents or caregivers
  •  Cultural and societal expectations and beliefs
  •  Lack of emotional safety
  •  Fear of consequences and negative emotions


Nevertheless, from a therapeutic standpoint understanding a client’s relationship to their

parents/caregivers can inform us to better understand a client better. Here are some key

insights gained from discussing family in therapy.


1. Understanding Attachment Styles


Although the attachment theory has been around since the 1950’s it has recently become a

popular tool for people to better understand their attachment style in current relationships. As

these are influenced and shaped by early relationships to parents and caregivers, having this

information helps a therapist guide therapeutic interventions and strategies.


2. Identifying Behavioural Patterns


Learning more about a client relationship to their family of origin allows for insight on

behaviours, patterns and dynamics influenced by parents and caregivers. This information is

helpful for therapists to aid clients in modifying unhelpful behaviours and patterns.


3. Addressing Self- Esteem


Our perception of our selves and our self worth is informed and shaped by how we were raised

and what kind of parenting style we were raised by. Self -esteem is one of the most important

things to work on in therapy and understanding the core issues related to self-esteem and self-

worth issues provide direction and clarity.


4. Cultural Sensitivity


Often a client’s worldview is informed by the culture, belief systems and contextual factors

by which they were raised. This allows a therapist to provide culturally sensitive and

effective interventions.


5. Trauma Resolution


Childhood trauma can stem from parent-child relationships, and understanding these

experiences is essential. Unresolved traumatic issues impact mental heath and confronting

them is key.


In therapy, countertransference can arise. Therefore, understanding a client's relationship with

their parents or caregivers enables therapists to recognize and address projected emotions

more effectively.


In summary, as difficult and burdensome it can feel to talk about family in therapy it is a

fundamental to effective therapy and client understanding. This allows for a comprehensive view

of a clients psychological and emotional landscape that allows a therapist to tailor interventions,

address specific issues related to parents and to work collaboratively to effective progress and

growth.


Paula Fernandez, Registered Social Worker

Paula is a warm and approachable Registered Social Worker and Psychotherapist who treats her clients like human beings and not patients. Originally from Mexico, Paula takes a very integrated approach and believes our bodies hold the wisdom to help us heal. Paula is enthusiastic about therapy and personal growth, and strongly advocates for her clients to live the life that they want to live.


Paula obtained a Social Service Worker diploma from Humber College and a Bachelor of Social Work (honours) from York University. Paula started her career in Social Work in 2003, and participated in organizational work supporting women against violence, refugees, and members from marginalized populations, focusing on immigration settlement and outreach.


Paula is available for both virtual (Ontario residents only) and in-person appointments.